Re-membering

When I got to Transfiguration in 2001, the parish welcomed me with open arms, parties, and so many new people. I met and quickly connected with Kathy, a former Roman Catholic nun, who left the order to pursue relationship and was now married to Bob and taught at Notre Dame University in Belmont. She was smart and insightful and incredibly spiritual. She was also sick when I got there--the doctor's weren't sure, maybe mono? maybe a virus? She had a low-grade fever for a few months. Finally, she was referred to her oncologist, who had treated her in her previous two bouts with ovarian cancer, which, incidentally, Bob's first wife had died of. Do you see where this was going?

It turns out that fever can be an indicator of cancer. Kathy's doctor knew this, her brother, a physician, knew this, and both were in denial. No one wanted to admit the possibility of cancer again and a cancer that came with fever. She was diagnosed and decided to fight. As she became weaker, I drove her down to her chemo treatment in Campbell and recall addressing my ordination invitations sitting across from her as the drugs made their way into her body. After a couple months of decline, Kathy, who was incredibly verbal about this process acknowledged she was dying, called her circle of family, friends, sisters around her. She was so very present through the process. And Bob allowed me to care for him in his grief, as their house was constantly inundated and he finally had to demand private time with his dying wife.

Kathy asked that I celebrate at her burial office. It was an incredible honor and blessing and it was so very healing. At the reception, nun after nun came up and spoke to me about the joy of seeing a woman at the altar. Kathy was very much present there. A few months later, Bob brought me some of Kathy's old books, including some inclusive scriptures. I have rarely used them, but opened one today and found a prayer Kathy wrote to God. It quickly brought tears to my eyes. These ghosts are gifts. These spirits are alive. There is true joy in this communion of saints!

I haven't missed that end of life "midwifery" in this new job and still feel so honored by the opportunity to be welcomed into people's journeys in profound ways.